Airborne Transmission
A play
Article by Kat Falacienski, art by Isabella Hageman
Characters
Watermelon: a missing person
Olive: Watermelon’s sister
Beck: Olive’s husband
Elliot: Olive and Beck’s son
Trish: Watermelon’s daughter
Scene 1
Lights up in an ornate dining room. At the end of a long dining table sit OLIVE, BECK, ELLIOT, and TRISH. Olive is wearing white gloves. Elliot is buried in a book. The table is piled with food.
OLIVE
No reading at the table.
ELLIOT
Aw, c’mon mom, please? Just this once.
OLIVE
No. Put it away. We’ve discussed this.
Elliot sighs dramatically, carries the book offstage, then returns and sits down.
TRISH
What were you reading about?
ELLIOT
Aliens.
OLIVE
That’s very nice, Elliot. How was school?
ELLIOT
Boring. I hate Zoom.
OLIVE
Well, don’t worry. This’ll all be over in a few weeks.
BECK
Actually, we’re not so sure. The folks at the WHO are saying it might last a few months ––
OLIVE
Beck, please. Let’s try to be positive.
TRISH
Aunt Olive, where’s the watermelon?
OLIVE
There wasn’t any at the store today, dear.
TRISH
Well evidently there was bananas, grapes, kiwis ––
BECK
Were.
TRISH
Huh?
BECK
You mean there were bananas, grapes, and kiwis.
TRISH
Yeah, bananas, grapes, kiwis, raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, cherries, and peaches. So why not watermelon?
ELLIOT
Because they were out, dummy.
BECK
Elliot, that’s no way to speak to your cousin.
OLIVE
Beatrice, I don’t know why there wasn’t any watermelon at the store, but there wasn’t. You’re just going to have to make do with the other fruits. Okay?
TRISH
Okay.
Pause.
OLIVE
I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m just worried about your mother.
ELLIOT
Did you hear anything from the cops?
BECK
I’m afraid not. It’s only been three days, and she could be…well, she could be anywhere.
OLIVE
But we’re doing everything we can. The only thing we haven’t done is gone out and searched for her ourselves.
ELLIOT
Why not?
OLIVE
The police can do it better than we can. And, like your father said, she could be anywhere.
TRISH
She’s in the Black Forest.
Pause.
ELLIOT OLIVE
Whoa! What’s she doing there? What are you talking about?
TRISH
She texted me this morning.
OLIVE
She ––
ELLIOT
Did the phone show her location?
TRISH
No.
BECK
They found her phone in a room at the Holiday Inn.
OLIVE
Well, that’s all very ––
ELLIOT
Why didn’t you call the cops up and tell ‘em? They coulda found her by now.
TRISH
She told me not to. She said that everything would be fine as soon as she ––
OLIVE
Honey, why are you even seeing texts from her? I thought I told you to block her number.
TRISH
She’s still my mom.
OLIVE
Yes, she is. But she hasn’t been making very good choices lately, and I don’t want you… exposed to that.
ELLIOT
Wait, what was she gonna do?
OLIVE
How about we change the subject. Elliot, how was school?
ELLIOT
You already asked me that.
OLIVE
I did?
BECK
Yes, Olive, you did. Look, I know things are stressful right now, but if Beatrice is telling the truth, then we probably ought to just call the cops up real quick, give them the information ––
OLIVE
Can I have a word with you, Beck? Please? Right now?
BECK
Um, sure.
Beck and Olive stand up and start to leave the room.
OLIVE
If I catch either of you listening in, you’re grounded for a month.
ELLIOT
Mom, there’s a pandemic. We’re already grounded.
Beck and Olive go into a bedroom on the opposite end of the stage. Lights over the dining room go dark.
OLIVE
What on Earth are you doing?
BECK
What am I doing? I ought to ask the same question of you. You’re acting strange and you’re being cruel to Beatrice. I shouldn’t have to tell you ––
OLIVE
You don’t know the half of it.
BECK
You can’t expect a child to cut herself off from her own mother ––
OLIVE
Beck. If you absolutely must know, her mother is going to be the death of me, and if they find her, she’s going to be the death of the entire family.
BECK
So that’s it? You care more about your reputation than your own sister’s life?
OLIVE
It’s not just reputation!
BECK
Then what is it? Tell me!
Pause.
BECK
Look, you’re all flushed and you’re sweating. Why don’t you just take off the gloves for a second and we can talk ––
OLIVE
Don’t you dare touch my gloves.
BECK
For the last time, Olive, I don’t care what your hands look like. It wouldn’t kill me to see them ––
OLIVE
It’s not just my hands!
She stands facing the wall, her arms crossed. Lights over the bedroom go dark. Lights over the dining room go up.
TRISH
It’s Trish, by the way.
ELLIOT
What is?
TRISH
My name. It’s Trish. Not Beatrice.
ELLIOT
Oh. I didn’t know that.
TRISH
Apparently Aunt Olive doesn’t either.
ELLIOT
So, what did your mom say she was doing?
TRISH
I’m not sure, her text wasn’t super clear. Something to do with Covid? She said she knew where it came from and that she was going to try to stop it.
ELLIOT
You know where I think it came from?
TRISH
Where?
ELLIOT
Guess.
TRISH
Aliens.
ELLIOT
Obviously.
Lights over the dining room go dark. Lights over the bedroom go up.
BECK
Olive, please. Just let me send them a tip. We’ll deal with the fallout once we get her back––
OLIVE
You don’t understand.
BECK
That’s because you’re not telling me anything!
Pause. Olive yanks open the closet door and starts putting on a coat.
OLIVE
All right. You know what? You really want her back? You really want to see what would happen if she came back into our lives? Fine. I’ll go find her.
BECK
What, no, you can’t just go into the Black Forest at night all by yourself.
OLIVE
Don’t tell me what I can’t do.
Olive steps into the closet and slams the door behind her. Beck throws up his hands.
BECK
Olive, what the…?
He opens the door. She’s not there. He looks around the room.
BECK
Olive?
All lights go dark.
Scene 2
Lights up on the Colorado Black Forest, choked with snow. Off to the side is WATERMELON, a scraggly figure clad in dark clothing, black gloves, a balaclava, and sunglasses. She is stooped over a rectangular mound of earth with two leather shoes sticking out of it. She shovels frozen soil on top of them, stopping occasionally to cough into her elbow.
Enter Olive from the opposite side of the stage. She looks around for a few seconds but stops dead when she sees Watermelon. Watermelon stops shovelling and looks up, unperturbed.
WATERMELON
Is there something I can (cough) do for you? Are you lost?
OLIVE
Lost?
WATERMELON
Are you trying to find your way out of the Black Forest?
OLIVE
Um, no, actually, I’m not. I’m just looking for my sister. She may have gone missing here.
WATERMELON
(looks down and resumes shoveling)
I’m (cough) sorry to hear that. What does she look like?
OLIVE
She has blonde hair and blue eyes, and she always wears…pigtails? Or maybe a ponytail? One of those two. I can’t remember. I haven’t seen her in a while.
WATERMELON
Why?
OLIVE
Why haven’t I seen her?
Watermelon says nothing and continues shoveling.
OLIVE
Well, she’s difficult to be around. She’s a funny duck, that’s for sure. But she’s really had some problems with her stability these past few months. It’s been difficult to watch. I know she’s suffering a great deal, but it’s just so hard on the rest of the family. To see her like that.
WATERMELON
Hmm.
OLIVE
But when the whole Coronavirus thing hit a few weeks ago, she just went off the deep end. She somehow got it in her head that aliens had caused the whole thing. That they had secretly infected the Earth in order to subdue all of mankind. And then she started insisting that she was an alien too, or whatever. She said she’d been “planted” on the Earth to help the aliens fulfill their big, crazy, top-secret mission.
WATERMELON
Top-secret, huh?
OLIVE
And then she started saying that she was named after a fruit! Of course, I can’t remember which fruit off the top of my head, maybe a grape, or a banana. Like it matters anyway.
WATERMELON
So, (cough) let me get this straight.
Watermelon throws down the shovel.
WATERMELON
Your sister was having trouble with her mental health, so you got scared, and right when she needed you the most, you abandoned her ––
OLIVE
That is not what happened. She did it to herself! You know she had plenty of opportunities to get help. Plenty! More than most people get. And instead of taking them, she chose…this! I don’t even know what to call it.
WATERMELON
(Cough) Olive ––
OLIVE
But you know what, I am done. I am done with this God-awful freakishness. I am going to bring her back and I am going to make her normal. I will do it if it kills me. I will make her normal.
WATERMELON
Like you would know.
Pause.
OLIVE
I’m sorry, what was that?
WATERMELON
(Cough) Look at yourself. What are you doing out here? Why are you alone, spilling all your feelings to me? I could be a serial killer for all you know.
Watermelon removes her sunglasses, revealing icy blue eyes. Then she takes off her balaclava, and two blonde pigtails spring upright.
WATERMELON
Look, Olive. I may not be normal, but neither are you.
Watermelon removes her gloves. Instead of fingers, long green tentacles slither out from her sleeves.
WATERMELON
They’ll be coming to get me soon. You won’t have to be inconvenienced by me anymore. And in the meantime, we will try to get a handle on everything that’s happened. The virus (cough)... we didn’t mean for it to turn out like this. It went horribly wrong. We realized that after we all caught it ourselves. This fellow here died from it, and a couple of the others aren’t too far behind. We will never, ever inflict such damage on Earth again. I promise.
A high-pitched whirring noise cuts through the air. A moment later, a strong wind blows across the stage, and the snow and dirt that were covering the corpse scatter. The corpse is an alien, with green tentacles identical to Watermelon’s.
A UFO descends and hovers a few feet above Watermelon’s head.
WATERMELON
And for the record, my name is Watermelon.
A flash engulfs the stage. When it subsides, Watermelon and the UFO are gone.
Olive looks at the sky, then at the body, then at her hands. She slips off her gloves, and her green tentacles twirl in the air.
END OF PLAY.