Article by Avery Carrington Art by Kristopher Ligtenberg
It’s 4:00 a.m. I’m dazed, coming off of the adrenaline from the nightmare I just had. A child’s giggle strikes my head, with flashes of me rapidly running through a house similar to mine. I flush the toilet and go to the sink.
Splash. The sound of soap and bubbles wash me out of my grogginess, and I look up…
Stark gray eyes, plastic skin, and a brimming smile revealing uncanny teeth, all meet me face-to-face in the mirror— at least from what I could make out without my glasses. I look closer, drawing you into focus. Seeing you clearer, I see a queer creature… a trembling mess, trying to find an equilibrium in gender in a moldless body.
Rubbing my eyes, my hair sticks up, and I begin to question my sanity. In a moment, you fortify yourself, smile, and the molding of your face perks up, signaling your innocent heart.
“Who are you?” I call with my nose pointing to the mirror, eyebrows pricked in confusion. You shake your head, seemingly ignorant of your name. You make a gesture to disarm me and step back. Your head begins to flash many faces— some familiar, the rest unknown. I gawk in fear and disbelief. You settle on something… someone I’ll call enigmatic.
Is this a dream?
I dart to my bed, toppling my poor cat in my haste to grab my glasses. You’re still there with that insane smile. We stare each other down until 6:00.
6:30. The sun creeps in through my quaint window overlooking my succulent garden. I go about my business, trying to blot you out of my mind. Fixing breakfast, pooping, and brushing my teeth all encompass the first half of my routine. I sling my towel around my waist and step into the shower.
My morning karaoke starts in stride. Every once in a while, I peer through the curtains and see you there. I am trying to cloak my anxieties with the tempo of a typical day.
I’m finally dressed and about to head out the door. I’m hypnotized by my regular morning buzz and I get one last look at myself, temporarily forgetting you’re there. I come in, lights on, and flash. The nightmare stews in my stomach.
I walk up to you. Face to face… I lash out with a scream, startling your welcoming smile. You fall back, disarmed for a moment. I peer into the mirror, looking down, and see a feeble creature seizing in fear on the floor. I stumble back, apologies slipping out of my mouth, making an effort to rectify my tossing stomach. I fall to the rim of the tub crying, recognizing my brutality. While my head is down, you climb up. You let me stew for a minute before you start to tap on the glass. I hear you. I lift my head, searching for a truce. I stand and go forward.
I make it back to the looking glass. We are at a draw, once again face to face, finally distilling a semblance of peace. Minutes pass and you whisper something too soft to hear. I ask you to repeat meekly and your mouth sculpts the word, “enigma.” I pause, trying to decipher the word.
“What?” I ask again.
You also take a pause, trying to figure out the best way to communicate the message to me.
“Enigma,” comes again in a soft speaking voice… I still don’t hear.
You contort your hands around your neck, choking out the right shape to deliver your message and all I hear in a sonic flash is “ENIGMA!” Your answer is coming down like a thousand horns of Jericho.
I drop incapacitated in the sharp fibers of glass. Our realms collide, bringing a point of singularity allowing you to enter. You tiptoe over me, bringing your stance down to meet me at my face. You lift me, still with that same unarmed smile, and prop me against the tub. I come to, covered in debris and lacerations. I stutter up, glancing around trying to find you. The shards reveal a path out of my bathroom into my house. I hear my cat hissing and swatting at your intrusions. I stumble to the doorway. I hobble and stand up. You swivel your head towards me and let out that all too familiar child’s giggle.