Thoughts on Touch
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WHO/WHAT TAUGHT YOU TO FEEL GOOD?
* hiking/working out, feeling my body move
* one night stands (no pressure = freedom)
* my binder
* queer community at cc
* Relations at CC and the vibrator i won from their raffle!
* queer friends having queer conversations
* work (when it feels good)
* my shower head
* parts of porn focused on the clit
* Myself by buying a vibrator
* talking about it !
* disability justice!
* when i learned how to say what i like!
* my mom telling me sex was supposed to feel good
* FEMMES
* Saying no and being respected in that
* the first person i really loved
* my first big CRUSH
* friends !
* learning to throw away my bras
* parts of porn that are lowkey awkward and make me feel a little closer to the actors
* Telling my story and being validated
* the internet
* pleasure activism <3
* the first scenes in the l word
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DESCRIBE HOW HORNY FEELS PHYSICALLY
* validated
* anxious, lustful, tight, overwhelmed, focused
* so distracting
^!!!
*Like putting your hand in sand and letting it go through your fingertips
*wanting to be naked
* dreamlike
* desires
* sweaty
^yes
* something scary/but exciting
* all the time
* Her leg between my thighs
* wet
* vibrations of your whole body
* like a warm hug thats also electric
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WHAT TOUCHES YOU/WHAT IS TOUCHING TO YOU? (physical, emotional, sexual touch)
* playing with my clit
* putting on makeup and feeling in my skin
* using she/they
* rain
* head on my shoulder
* her fingers/her tongue/her body
* NOT BEING MISGENDERED
* his fingers
* humidity and kudzu!
* her touch
* music
* its cheesy but roses
* big big hugs!!
* touching my hair
* @gramparents
* kissing cuties
* moving my hand up his thigh or him moving his hand up mine
* reflecting on a relationship i had with someone much older, nonsexual but v ambiguous
* queer people holding hands
* being called sir
* when someone describes me accurately
* swimming in a lake
* going outside and sitting in silence
* when someone is reminded of me
* going to virtual events with my grandma <3
* when my mother sends me pictures of the sky at dusk
* eye contact (can be so sexual)
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what is your euphoria?
* dancing!!!!!! while drunk
* falling in love with the label of disability
* Labeling myself as gay
* sitting outside under the sun and having no responsibilities
* wanting to be and being productive
* a good fire
* Making money from my creative outlet and having people like what I make
* feeling included
* When I get really interested in a topic and get to tell my loved ones all about it
* after working out in a ~cute~ fit
* not being manic
* loving my body (only happens occasionally, but always really exciting)
* long hugs
* that flow state when everything somehow just clicks/makes sense/is good
* flat chest !
* medication
* wearing a big colorful headband for the first time since i was 14
* any slow burn lovers book
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WHAT/WHO DO YOU WANT?
* def to have an overwhelming crush / become infatuated with someone else / to be in awe of them… this year got me feeling pretty lonely
^and for them to like u back (or at least for me)
* Realizing I’m gay
* myself
^hard to feel sometimes but big respect
* respect, being valued and deemed as important
* chemistry between someone
* a hot sweaty stranger in a club/party/concert
* boys :P
* dick
* my crush that i always see on campus
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describe the relationship between your desires and your actions (how does the way you like to be touched relate to the way you like to touch)
* i like to give head more than i like receiving it but maybe thats cos guys can’t get me off as good as myself or my vibe
* my vibrator = my desires + my actions
* I like being the top in a dom way but whenI’m being touched in a very conservative and vanilla (for lack of a better word) way
* I dont like being touched but i like touching her how she wants to be touched
* like please grab my ass
* deepthroating is fun because its so easy to make them cum
* scared to initiate touch/be vulnerable but always grateful when someone else does… learning how to get over this lol
* whispers & breath in my ears
* TOP
* trying to be a major dom, failing, being goofy, having fun w it
* submissive dominant (i can’t explain it but both at the same time)
* i feel strongly and everything is big but like to touch how my partner wants to be touched
* always touching people how I want to be I guess sometimes I should just tell them what I want
* sex in weird places!
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WHAT/WHO DO YOU WANT TO TOUCH/FEEL?
* the sweaty walls of my middle school during a dance that haunts my dreams
* all of my friends i haven’t seen in so long
* Last January/February in 2020
* the hand rails on a bus, I want to rise on a busy busy bus with so many people
* hands
* the soil, i want to repot my plants
* ice water
* my fidgets that help me concentrate as a adhd/disabled person
* tongues!!
* all of my friends w whom ive never been able to have physically intimate relationships
* i want to dance w someone and put my hands around their waist :’)
* sweaty strangers
* The younger versions of my cousins and myself, or at least be able to go back to that body I was in, and that time and space when we were together
* your belt loops
* I want to touch the time. I want to crawl around in it and linger and be help by it
* I also want to be able to like physically touch/inhabit time… like be present with it in that way??
* sand
* MOSS
* a nice butt!
* The feeling that the book “song of Achilles” gave me
* all of my friends
* okay but sometimes dick
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WHAT IS THE LACK OF HORNY/TOUCH?
* a friendship breakup
* having withdrawal after forgetting to take my meds
* unwanted attention
* being misgendered
* the feeling i had my first time having sex… w/ a man i didn’t know :(
* period cramps
* quarantined without my vibrator
* realizing i am manic
* instagram posts that don’t get likes (ik I shouldn’t care but I do)
* older man making a gross comment to my friend at the pool. literally disgusting!!!!!
* bad habits
* realizing people are talking about me and not in a nice way
* the R word ! makes me want to go into a ball and leave this universe
* being in a fight over long distance
* when you’re feeling yourself & your fit but no one says anything affirming LOL
* self judgement
* people talking to me when i dont want to talk
* the word “should”, “should have”
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HOW DO YOU BALANCE verbal AND nonverbal TOUCH/COMMUNICATION?
* a verbal yes with eye contact is so hot
* look for enthusiasm
* phone sex, when good, is really good
* checking in!
* i don’t like hugs to talking is more of my love language in a way
* sexii eye contact… and checking in if it doesn’t feel reciprocal in any way!
* verbal communication is hard to initiate sometimes
* i love friendships that are based in mutual presence rather than conversation
^true - always nice when u feel so comfortable to be in silence w/ someone else !!
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Who politicized the power of you feeling good?
* adrienne maree brown
* validation and queer podcasts
* no queer role models
* Flower art that is obviously a vulva
* my mom lmao uh oh
* Peggy Orenstein (author of girls and sex)
* Vibrators
* Daria from that 90s cartoon
* dr kumar lmao
* Candace Owens
* attentive partners
* instagram sex education femmes
* intersectional feminism
* being disabled, me being happy is political
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What kind of touch makes you feel grounded in your body
* yummy?
* back rubs
* someone grabbing my MF waist!!!!!
* swimming in a lake and holding your breath underwater
* walking in my combat boots :)
* hands on my waist
* walking barefoot :P
* ASMR
* tight hugs after i cry
* playing with my hair
* Grass
* hugs from grandma
* i feel grounded when dick is inside me lol
* also being fingered (when it’s good)
* fidgeting
* i dont know
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WHAT MAKES YOU HORNY FOR LIFE/WHAT TURNS YOU ON THT ISN’T SEXUAL?
* tiktoks that go into depth on obscure things
* when they empty their pockets … you know they’re ~settling in~
* seeing my little spider plant babies growing under their big ole spider parent
* when a US team wins in the olympics
* SUNSHINE
* when i take my meds
* making a pretty meal
* puppies…? cute agression LOL
* feeling confident in a bomb outfit
* Rain
* standing in freezing water (esp a river) for a long while really connects me to the essence of my being lol
* when i meet other disabled people and feel less alone
* Well my roommate made brownies today and it makes me so grateful for life and people
* car rides with the window down blasting music
* Doing my makeup
* a breazy morning afternoon
* when i eat with friends
* weed
* the ocean
*shrooms
* accessibility!!!!!!!!!!!!
* trader joes flowers